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A PERFECT EVENING

For my 40th birthday I knew just what I wanted. A luxury hotel, champagne, and sex. No drama, no regrets, no husband.

He was working at the hotel as a driver while going to college. Black, very fit, mid-twenties. He flirted with me on the way in from the airport, nothing serious but we both knew it was an opening for something more if I let go that way.

"I hate sitting in traffic, we could walk there in less time," he said while we waited for a traffic jam to clear, "Spent five years in the Army, hated doing PT every morning doing a 5 mile run. But I been out for a year now and what do I do? Run five miles every morning!"

"It certainly shows," I said smiling at him as he looked at me in the rear-view mirror, "I try to jog every evening for 30 minutes, but never seemed to have time in the morning. Kids to school, husband to work, me to work. Mornings are just not my time."

"How old are your kids?' he asked.

"Twins, both boys are in college," I answered.

"Damn, I would sworn you were only a couple of years older than me", he said. We both knew he was just flattering me but I liked hearing it anyway. "You got a nice figure, your husband is a lucky man. Will he be joining you?"

"No, not this trip." I answered, "I am just here to celebrate my 40th birthday."

"Say what?" he asked, turning his head to look at me to see if I was kidding him or not. I took off my sunglasses so he could see my eyes. "Yes, I am turning 40 tomorrow and I always promised myself another trip to San Francisco before I turned 40."

"Pardon my asking," he paused for a minute, "Naw, never mind, I think it is great. Good for you."

"You were going to ask me 'Why?' right?" I replied, "Why here, and why by myself? No really good reason."

"OK, now you got me going" he laughed, "Not that we are going anywhere in this traffic. Sorry about that. But I understand about making promises to yourself. Three tours in Iraq, two of them in combat areas. Hell yes! I made lots of promises to myself."

"Like what", I asked.

"Like I was going to take a bath, a whirlpool bath for a couple of hours just to soak that damn desert dust and dirt out my skin." he replied.

"A bath?!" I exclaimed pretending to be shocked, "That's what you dreamed about? I would have thought you would be dreaming about sex."

"No mam, I was a soldier, we thought about sex 24-7 and 365! What I dreamed about was a bath and cold beer!' he laughed.

I laughed too and then there was a pause in the conversation while he starting to maneuver around the fender bender that had been the source of our traffic delay. The hotel was visible now and we rode in silence for a few minutes.

"Well, I am glad you came home safe and fulfilled your dreams," I said. "I was here over 20 years ago. I was 19 and was madly in love. He was older, he was black, married with two daughters. I got pregnant, he died in a car crash. I had an abortion and spent the weekend crying my eyes out in the hotel we are just about to arrive at."

There was an awkward silence.

"Too much information?" I asked.

"Well, yes sort of but not really." he answered pulling into the driveway of the hotel. He paused and turned to look at me. "What I was going to tell you is that I never did get the whirlpool bath. Been too busy to remember it until tonight. But why are you really here, not to do anything crazy now are you?"

"Crazy?" I laughed, "Well maybe. I just want to feel 19 again."

"How you going to do that" he asked as he got out of the car to come open my door.

"I don't know yet, got any ideas?" I replied as he opened the door.

"Executive floor suites got whirlpool baths in them.” he answered. "Want to me to see if they can upgrade you?"

I looked in his dark eyes, smiled, and said "Yes, I think that would be perfect."

"Just a Friend"

I was with my husband at the grocery store when we saw each other. A friendly smile, a bit of chit chat about the weather and how busy it had been at work, and then we went our separate ways, pushing our carts down the aisle. My husband asked who was that? "Just a friend from work", I said.

I had a conversation with a woman who had a 10 year relationship with a black prisoner who had fathered 2 children with her. He was in prison for life for murder and drugs but she loved him deeply and was proud to be his wife and bear his children. I wondered how someone can have such blind passion--- but then I looked back on my own affairs with black men and knew I was not the one to judge.