This report is inspired by the Dark Cavern interracial Web site and is a no-holds-barred exploration of the cuckolding lifestyle for adults only. It is based on researching literature and analyzing ads and survey results to get a better handle on the cuckolding lifestyle and fantasy. Each week another aspect of the cuckolding lifestyle will be explored. The ads and surveys are, of course, highly unscientific, unreliable, and not to be trusted. You can't be sure who really places them, who takes the surveys, how honest they are, or where fantasy ends and reality begins. In cyberspace, things are not always what they seem. There are a lot of "lurkers," "pretenders," and "wannabes" and not as many "doers". Are cuckolds really cuckolds; wives really wives, Blacks really Blacks?
Many surveys also tend to be self-fulfilling since the people who take them are sometimes the very ones who have an interest or belief in the fantasy. This not only biases the data but also makes it subject to misinterpretation. Any coloration of the results is no doubt due to my own perverted bias. So the results should not be taken too seriously, but perhaps as an indication of at least some of the attributes of the cuckold lifestyle, or at the very least as food for thought and fantasy. So, with that caveat, let the journey begin. Enjoy!
What is a Cuckold?
Webster's defines a cuckold simply as: "a man who has an unfaithful wife." One story has it that the term cuckold comes from the cuckoo bird because the female lays its eggs in another bird's nest for them to take care of the young (who are not their own). This is not particularly apt since it is the female in this case who is tricked into nurturing some else's offspring. Another-and perhaps more appropriate definition-has it that it was the custom in medieval times for older Lords or Barons (called "old cocks" or "cokewolds") to take younger wives. They were sometimes unable to fully sexually satisfy these nubile young women, so they looked the other way while their wives frolicked with younger men. Sometimes the women flaunted their infidelity openly, which is closer to the colloquial meaning of cuckold today.
By Webster's "unfaithful wife" definition, nearly half (43% according to one study, 51% according to another) of all married men are cuckolds since that is the approximate percentage of married women who admit to having extramarital affairs. (Of course, this number could be higher since there are probably many more who don't admit to it). Of these, it is estimated that some cuckold husbands (35%) are aware of their wife's Lovers-with many becoming sexually aroused by it-and, of these, that some of them (25%) even encourage it with a few even serving their wife and Her Lover(s) in a kinky way-such as being a submissive sissy maid or subservient slave, for example.
It is this latter, more fetish way that most cuckold groups and Web sites tend to use the term "cuckold". It is open, even encouraged unfaithfulness of the sexy-very desirable-wife with attractive, typically well-endowed, better Lovers, often with a dose of humiliation directed at the consensual cuckold hubby. Though some studies have shown that "open" marriages are, in general, not successful, cuckold style marriages are not really open in the sense that both husband and wife have sex with other partners. One might say that cuckold style marriages are only "half" open because only the wife is having sex with other men-the cuckold hubby vows to be completely faithful to his wife. Cuckold couples are therefore not really "swingers" in the conventional sense of trading partners. The wife is also not considered a "cheater" or "adulteress" since Her cuckold hubby not only knows about Her affairs, but he encourages Her, supports Her, and is turned on by Her taking Lovers. There is no breach of trust since She is only doing what they both want.
Some hubbies like to make a fine distinction between having a "Hot Wife" and being a cuckold. Though still a cuckold by the strict dictionary definition, a hubby with a Hot Wife is not necessarily in it for the humiliation, but for the thrill of watching his wife have sex with other men and possibly joining in, or at least having sex ("sloppy seconds") with her afterwards. Hot Wives love sex, love to dress sexy, and act "slutty". Their hubbies love to share them with other men, and their wives in turn like to do it because it turns on their hubbies. Hot wives often get more attention and more sex from their excited hubbies. As one Hot Wife noted: "Since I have taken Lovers, beginning three years ago, it has made us closer. We have more sex, we talk more, and we love more. He is more loyal and I am just a little promiscuous-just enough to keep it fun and exciting."
Cuckold hubbies, by contrast, often welcome a dose of humiliation from their wife and Her Lovers, and are often subservient to them. For example, they are sometimes only permitted to masturbate after watching or listening to them having sex. Sometimes they are denied sex altogether as they focus wholly on the sexual pleasure of their wife and Her Lover.
A typical cuckold husband says he does this out of love for his sexy wife and sometimes recognition of his own sexual inadequacy, or of his wife's aching need for sexual pleasure that he knows that he cannot give Her. In fact, it turns the cuckold on to see his wife sexually enjoy another man-often referred to as a "Bull" or a "Real Man". Cuckolds are happiest when their wife is sexually fulfilled. As one happy cuckold said, "Not too many husbands know what its like to have a wife who is truly sexually fulfilled, but as a submissive cuckold husband, I do."
Why do cuckolds or any men for that matter, get excited by watching their wives have sex with other men? It turns out that there is some basis in our evolutionary history as well as in the animal kingdom in general for this behavior. According to Dr. David Barash, co-author of "The Myth of Monogamy":
"There are few things as sexually stimulating to socially monogamous animals as the possibility that the mated female might have had an extra-pair copulation."
Certainly it has been shown that men are easily aroused by visual stimuli, however the more complete answer may have to do with something called "sperm competition". This is when the sperm from two different men inhabit the woman's vagina at the same time. Although the woman's ovulated egg is only good for 12 to 24 hours, men's sperm can remain active in the woman's moist vagina for up to seven days.
It has been observed that male animals in the wild are sexually aroused by indications that a female has recently had sex, and quickly mount and copulate with a female partner who has recently copulated with a different male. This is no less true of the human male. Again, according to Barash:
"Human beings, especially males, are highly aroused by such indications. Hence, the attraction of hard-core pornography and voyeurism... It would be adaptive for human males-no less than the males of other species we have mentioned-to be especially aroused by the prospect of sexual intercourse itself. This is even true if the sexual action is on the part of other individuals if it indicates the nearby presence of a receptive female. Sperm competition would make it worthwhile for males to be prepared to join in, if possible, and to do so promptly, so as to compete with the preceding males. Moreover, the existence of sperm competition also helps explain a seemingly peculiar yet widespread aspect of human sexuality. Many men are sexually aroused by thinking of their female partner having sexual relations with another male. Some even go out of their way to arrange such encounters."
The later is an apt description of cuckold behavior. Cuckolds in this sense tend to be white males-mostly straight, but sometimes bisexual-many who are "naturally" submissive-often with a small (below average) penis. Humiliation frequently centers on the disappointing size of their penis and/or their sexual inadequacy. However, contrary to popular myth, there are many cuckolds who are average or even above average in penis size and who are good at sexual intercourse, and some who are not naturally submissive in their regular work lives. So, just like the population at large, cuckolds tend to come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and temperaments.
And why are wives interested in cuckolding their hubbies? It turns out that there is also a basis in our evolutionary history for this as well. According to Dr. David Buss, author of "The Dangerous Passion,"
"Women's sexual psychology, forged over millions of years in an ancestral world devoid of the pill, continues to get played out in the modern world. The importance to women of sexual gratification, and orgasms in particular, may be a key motive driving women to act on their unfaithful passions."
When Buss asked women which circumstances would be most likely to open them up to an affair, it is not surprising that he found that "sexual unhappiness loomed large":
"My current partner is unwilling to engage in sexual relations with me; sexual relations with my current partner have been unsatisfying for a long time; "sexual relations with my current partner are too infrequent for me."
He also found that while men are very visual, women like to develop passionate feelings:
"Male fantasies focus on visual images (often involving strangers) and raw sex; female fantasies on feelings (often involving someone they know) and a slow build-up to passionate sex."
Women also see "being made to feel beautiful" as an important benefit of affairs. Finding a fresh partner who appreciates Her is a major boost to Her self-esteem. As one women said in Buss's study:
"It built up my confidence and ego seeing that other men were attracted to me, things that I really didn't know before. It's given me a whole new way of looking at myself. It changed my whole way of dress, my whole appearance. I felt attractive again. I hadn't felt that way in years really. It made me very, very confident."
Most females don't have any problem getting sexual partners, but getting husband material is another matter. Many women like being with an aggressive masculine man (as opposed to a sissy wimp) who makes them feel more feminine-more like a woman. However, even beautiful celebrities like Pamela Anderson or Elizabeth Hurley have experienced the difficulty of finding an exciting aggressive, handsome Lover who also makes a reliable, caring, sensitive husband. It is tough to find all these traits in the same man. It is well known by evolutionists that attractive, sexy men often make good Lovers but inattentive and bad husbands. The sexually exciting Lover often strays and is sometimes abusive, and the good husband/provider is often sexually unexciting. What is a woman who loves sex, but who wants a reliable good husband to do?
One strategy that evolutionary psychologists believe has been an optimum strategy for women to follow-and in fact have followed, either overtly or covertly, for millions of years-is a mixed mating strategy often called the "best of both worlds" or "have your cake and eat it too" strategy. It can be expressed in several ways:
"Strive to acquire a provider husband who will invest food and care in your children; strive to find a Lover who can give those children first-class genes." (Barash)
"However we look at it, depending on how many additional males they encounter after they are paired up, some females may be likely to discover a male who is more desirable than the one with whom they find themselves. Under these conditions "till death do us part" doesn't make a whole lot of sense. More likely is the strategy of "having your cake and eating it, too." (Barash)
"The economics of the mating market means that some women are able to attract a more attractive man as an affair partner than as a husband. Some women in short, are able to get the best of both worlds-attracting investment from one man while obtaining superior genes from another." (Buss)
"For most females genetic partners are easy to come by. Behavioral partners are a different story. Males are typically more than willing to contribute some squirts of sperm in return for a chance at reproductive success. Harder to come by are males willing to be behavioral fathers, not just genetic beneficiaries. The optimum female strategy-as in many other species-would be to get the best of each: mate with genetically promising males and gain other benefits from wealthy, paternally inclined individuals. If all this can be obtained from one individual, so much the better. If not, then maybe a bit of deception may be worthwhile. And concealed ovulation seems to be a useful ticket. Offering the opportunity for females to present the appearance of monogamy (and hence to get paternal investment from their in-pair mates), while also gaining genetic benefits from out-of-pair copulations." (Barash)
Women who follow this strategy-either consciously or not-can get the best of each: a paternally inclined mate who provides for Her and Her children, and either good genes or sexual gratification (or both) from an exciting Lover. If both of these things can be found in the same person, as Barash says, then it is so much the better. If not, then deception can be used-and has been used often in the past-to obtain it. With the modern miracles of birth control and DNA testing deception is harder to use than in the past. (The consequences of this are discussed later).
As Buss points out, it is not so much that modern women want to have babies by their Lovers-though some do-as it is that woman's sexual psychology evolved over millions of years when there was no birth control. Ancestral women who had affairs with more attractive dominant men had healthier, more attractive, babies. Sometimes this is referred to as the "sexy son" hypothesis: women who mate with sexy men tend to bear sexy sons who attract more women when they grow up, giving them a genetic edge.
This is especially the case if females end up married to "low-quality" males. According to Barash:
"If increasing the genetic quality of attractiveness is the goal, then females mated with particularly low quality males should be especially affair prone (which they are). If there are only a few good males-and especially if these are very good, then affairs should be particularly frequent."
Barash goes on to say that husbands who are prone to be cuckolded may have difficulty attracting other women as well:
"Males especially likely to be cuckolded suffer this indignity because of shortcomings in themselves. So whatever inclines their mates to seek matings elsewhere is apt to make those same males unappealing to other females. They are losers two times over."
There are differences in what women look for depending on the type of affair desired. When it comes to casual (one-night-stand) affair partners, women want men who are sexy, sensuous, and physically attractive. In short "studly" charmers who think She is sexy, and greatly desire Her and want to have sex with Her. Women who are looking for "mate insurance" select affair partners who are protective of Her, physically fit, muscular, strong, athletic, not muscle-bound, but someone in good shape and well-toned. For long-term affairs women want traits similar to those they want in a husband: dependable, affectionate, successful, emotionally stable, easy-going, intelligent, mature, faithful, honest, open-minded, and unselfish.
According to Buss's study, women who had to settle for less desirable husbands were able to more easily attract desirable affair partners that met their criteria:
"The logic of the mating market dictates that women will generally be able to get a more attractive partner for a casual sexual encounter than for a permanent husband. This means that women married to men matched to their level of desirability will sometimes be tempted to have affairs with men whom they find sexier than their husbands."
Another problem has been that men, as well as many other animals, are notorious for jealous "mate guarding" to protect their genetic heritage. Wouldn't it be better if a woman could practice this strategy more openly without the fear of jealous rage from Her husband? And wouldn't it be better still if Her husband was turned on by it-even encouraged it-and they became more loving as a result of it?
Enter the cuckold. Cuckolds offer their wives the best of both worlds. Cuckolds are the opposite of controlling-sometimes abusive-and often, high testosterone men. They tend not to be jealous (or they suppress their jealousy) and, if you are their wife, they don't mind if you talk to, flirt with, or even date other men. In fact, they are turned on by it. They don't insist on knowing whom you are with or where you are at all times, nor do they call you derogatory names to put you down. Real cucks as discussed here tend to be subservient, and out of respect and love for their wife they do not refer to Her as a "slut" or a "whore". (Wives may, however, talk about being slutty or whorish with their Lovers to tease their hubby and some dominant Bulls may also refer to the cuckold's wife-as long as She doesn't mind-as his slut or whore).
Instead, it is the opposite-they may call you "Princess," "my Lady," "my Queen," "Goddess," "Mistress," "Angel," and say "yes Ma'am" or "yes Madame" while politely complying with your wishes. They will open doors for you and carry your packages (that they paid for) while you shop for sexy outfits and seductive silky lingerie that is meant more to turn on your Lover(s) than hubby (though it will turn him on too). Some will even don sissy maid outfits and do all your housework for you while you are out enjoying yourself on hot dates. Others may go with you as a chauffeur or protector and watch you flirt, dance, pet, and make-out to your heart's content. And if you choose to bring your Lover(s) home they will properly greet them, serve them drinks, and thank them for being so nice to you and giving you the great sex that they can't give you. As one cuckold hubby declared, "I am at my wife's service in terms of sexual satisfaction for Her. I'm willing to lick Her sweet pussy at a moment's notice, to stroke Her, to massage Her back and feet, to bathe Her, essentially anything She desires. My wife is also free to find sexual satisfaction from whomever She wants. I would like to watch, but that is up to Her and the men who fuck Her."
As if this weren't enough, a woman who is lucky enough to find a true cuckold to marry might even make him sign a pre-nuptial (or if they are already married a post-nuptial) cuckold agreement that shows that he consents to Her extramarital liaisons while he vows to be faithful. (This may protect Her from adultery later). The woman may then seal the agreement by cuckolding him on Her wedding night or honeymoon with one or more "best" men. Vacations, holidays, even second honeymoons with exciting Lovers are all possibilities for the sexually empowered bride who openly cuckolds Her willing turned-on hubby. With the right cuckold, even pregnancy by a Lover is not out of the question.
Here are some examples of brides-to-be planning to cuckold their new hubbies-many with well-endowed Black studs:
Attractive, white future wife with tight pussy getting married (for the first time) to cuckold hubby in June. Seeking in-shape big-cocked Black stud(s) with 10+" of hard potent cock to go on our honeymoon with us for two weeks and be my stud, possibly breeding me...
White engaged female ex-dancer with blonde hair and blue eyes seeks a dominant Black male with attitude to consummate my marriage to my submissive fiancée on my wedding night...
Cute, engaged natural blonde multi-orgasmic with great oral skills seeks three aggressive Black males to initiate my future hubby into cuckoldry. My fiancée will be tied and able to listen but not watch as you take me roughly and loudly in the next room. Afterwards, I will feed him his first of many cream pies...
Want good-looking well-hung Black guys to slam my red-hot slutty pussy and take me to heaven while fiancée watches and learns his future role...
Petite young wife wants 4-5 Black men at once with huge 9+" cocks to use her bareback regularly on her anniversary while cuckold hubby watches...
I told my fiancée I would marry him only if he agrees that I can fuck all the Black cock I like. He says he agrees but I want him to prove it and show me he can take it by helping me find some good looking large-cocked very dominant Black men. I told him from now on he only gets to fuck me after I've been fucked. The more I get, the more he gets...
Attractive blonde June bride-to-be needs Black cock while on honeymoon...
My fiancée bought me a 9 inch Black dildo that makes me cum like I've never felt before. Now, I want him to watch as I'm stretched by the real thing going soooo deep into my young blonde pussy. I'm looking for well-hung men for raw sex...
Sexy gorgeous wife-to-be seeks especially big hard Black cocks to help me celebrate my engagement, wedding, and honeymoon and to keep hubby cuckold trained afterwards...
My boyfriend has a tiny 4" cock and I'm burning with desire for some big thick Black cock action. Need 10"+ and thick to drool over and deep stroke me to show my boyfriend what its all about...
Curvy bride-to-be with large soft breasts for squeezing and licking craves several Black men to fuck and suck me regularly and cum all over me. Fiancée will suck your cock, lick us both as we fuck, and lick the cum from my pussy and ass or wherever. It is my turn-on...
Seeking full time servitude from marriageable submissive male. You will serve me and my number one Lover drinks as well as serve any female or male I choose in whatever ways I desire. You will be laughed at and humiliated as you serve us...
CUCKOLDS: ARE YOU GOOD AT SEXUAL INTERCOURSE?
Surprisingly, most (55%) cuckold husbands said their sexual performance at intercourse was good. This tends to go against the myth that cuckolds are, as a group, sexually inadequate, and would suggest that there are other factors (perhaps the fun and thrill of wife-sharing?) besides sexual inadequacy sometimes involved as well. There were a significant number (45%), however, who said that their sexual performance at intercourse was either poor (32%) or practically non-existent (13%), indicating that, at least for them, sexual inadequacy probably plays a role in their cuckolding.
CUCKOLDS: WHICH OF THESE HAVE YOU ACTUALLY DONE?
The vast majority (70%) said they have tongue-cleaned their wife's pussy after Her Lover had cum inside Her. Most (60%) said they had sucked Her Lover's cock and helped guide it into Her pussy. Half (50%) said they had cleaned Her Lover's cock with his mouth and tongue after he fucked Her and had also swallowed Her Lover's cum after sucking his cock. Many (40%) have sucked Her Lover's cock without Her being present.
CUCKOLDS: TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF.
In this poll cuckolds were asked for their age, the number of years they've been married, how many Bulls have fucked their wife, and their erect cock length. These were the results: Age ranged from 31 to 66 with an average (and median) age of 45. Years married ranged from 5 to 44 years with an average number of years at 19 (and median at 18). The number of Bulls who had fucked their wives ranged from a low of 1 to a high of 100. The average was 22 Bulls (median was 16). Erect cock size went from a tiny 4" to a whopping 9.5". The average was 6.3" and the median was 6.0". This indicates that cuckolds, like men in general were evenly split with half larger than the average 6", and half smaller.
CUCKOLDS: HOW BIG IS YOUR ERECT COCK?
Almost all cuckolds surveyed were white and many (46%) said their erect cock size was in the range of 5-6", which is considered a little lower than average-often pegged at 6" or slightly over in many studies. However nearly as many (43%) claimed to be larger than average between 7-8". Some (10%), said they are significantly smaller than average at 4-5" or even less than 4". Very few (1%) claim to be above 10". This poll would suggest that most, but not all, cuckolds have a smaller than average penis. Many are either average or even above average and, contrary to popular myth, are not always cuckolded merely because of their small penis.
Next time: "What Cuckolds Want"